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Sometimes paradise doesn't play nice. On your next trip to Hawaii, make sure to familiarize yourself with some of the Aloha State's most dangerous activities.

This was an April Fools Day article, so please don't take it seriously (and PLEASE DON'T TRY ANY OF THIS!)  We hope you get a laugh out of it.  ALOHA!

Base Jump Windsurfing



A thrilling water sport that blends components of sailing and surfing, windsurfing is one of the most sought after activities for those looking for a true rush in Hawaii. The newest addition to this already challenging sport is another challenging sport - base jumping. Whether it's climbing the tallest palm tree, volcano or historical landmark around or hitching a ride on a friend's helicopter, base jumping with windsurfing gear is a lot harder than it sounds. 

Poi Fire Dance Parasailing

Parasailing in Hawaii is a thrill for many people on its own, but why simply enjoy the view of Maui when you can enjoy the view of Maui with spinning balls of fire! From 50 stories above the ocean's surface, spark up those poi balls and demonstrate your best under-the-leg or butterfly tricks while whizzing through the air. The challenge of not catching the highly flammable parasail on fire only adds to the excitement, as does trying to avoid hitting your tandem riding partner. Falling a thousand feet into the ocean at a rapid pace is the worst thing that can happen, after all, and it's not like that ever hurt anyone. 



Horseback Cliff Diving



Cliff diving has long been one of the most beloved activities on Maui, but much like your driver's license or great grandma's chicken salad recipe, it could use an update every now and then. Simply add a horse into the equation, and voila! Your average horseback riding experience is now a dangerous new hobby. Many daring horseback cliff diving stunts have been attempted, but from our experience, a backwards double somersault on a mini-horse is the best bet for beginner horse divers.


Spam Scuba


Hawaii residents consume more Spam than anyone else in the world, so why should we have to stop just because we're underwater? Enter Spam Scuba, an underwater Spam Musubi Eating Contest, perfect for those who just can't wait to grind. Held at max depth in the location of the highest density of tagged tiger sharks, the person who consumes the most spam musubi underwater in 10 minutes while still being able to breathe properly through their regulator wins an entire year's worth of complimentary Spam. 


Big Wave Hot Yoga



Hawaii is home to some of the world's biggest surf breaks, including Oahu's Waimea Bay (aka Pipeline) and Maui's Peahi (aka Jaws). Since riding 50+ foot waves can be a stressful experience for some surfers, they have recently begun incorporating elements of hot yoga into their practice, outfitting wetsuits with mini waterproof space heaters and performing common yoga maneuvers while getting barreled. If you've never downward facing dogged or Warrior 1'ed a big wave barrel, you've never surfed, brah.

Nude Lava Rock Paintball

One of the fastest growing sports in the Aloha State, nude lava rock paintball is now available on every unofficial and official nude beach in Hawaii. To join, simply gather as much of the sharpest lava rock you can find, insert it into a specialized lava rock paintball gun (provided for $10 on each nude beach), strip down to nothingness and fire away! While the sharp lava rock will undoubtedly slice through your paper-thin skin, laying in the sun with no SPF for 40 years will strengthen your skin into the leathery goodness this activity requires. 

Whale Riding



Imagine the largest mechanical bull you've ever ridden. Times it times 100. Now put it in the ocean. Whale riding is one of the newest crazes in Hawaii, and also one of the most seasonal. Available only from December to April each year, whale riders hop aboard one of mother nature's greatest creatures for an experience unlike any other. While enjoying fleeting views of Hawaii's beautiful shoreline without drowning is the main draw, dangerously powerful pectoral fin slaps to the face have happened in cases involving particularly grumpy humpback whales. And if the thrill of almost dying on these huge creatures isn't enough, afterwards you'll be welcomed on shore by many angry whale lovers and large fines.

Speed Golf

Hawaii is home to some of the world's most beautiful golf courses, attracting novice and professional golfers from around the globe each year. While golf is typically a slower-paced sport, speed golf turns the sport on its head with a new approach that stresses quantity versus quality. To play, simply line up 5 balls as fast as humanly possible, assign 5 nearby targets (typically in the form of trees, birds, villa windows, parked cars, and even other golfers or golf carts) and try to hit as many as possible in less than a minute before racing to the next hole. If other golfers ahead of your group aren't playing speed golf, simply move them aside or assign them as one of the five targets. Fore! 


Hawaiian Shave Ice Bucket Challenge



While this challenge is not directly affiliated with ALS, it's still a fun and daring activity that is sure to cool you down when it just gets too humid outside. After purchasing as many shave ice as it takes to fill a large trash can, hop inside and grab a spoon. If you eat the entire contents of the trash can, you've won! If you don't, it will be a very cold, very sugary and very numb afternoon indeed.

OH, and

APRIL FOOLS!


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